Sunday, December 30, 2012

The first person to live forever

I could be toiling away, working furiously and feverishly in some makeshift dungeon. I could be the first person to devise the plan, gather the resources, develop the skills, and do the necessary work to ensure that I will live forever.

I won't.

Instead, I'll sit here, wasting my days, wasting my life. Smart enough to conceptualize immortality, too fucked up to act on it.

I will die, like everyone else who has done the same.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

How the universe was created and why it's always been here

I'm going to jump off of a fucking cliff right now and attempt to explain something profound on this fucked up blog.

Did you ever remove yourself from conventional thinking, look around, consider the universe and the so-called big bang, and wonder, "where did all this shit we call 'something' come from?"

I sure as fuck did. I've done it for over 30 years. And I'm not yet 40.

I'm going to break it down for you dumb fucking mindless lemming sheep real fucking simple. And why no one else has posited this shit before is beyond rape.

Opposites create one another.

There is obviously something here now. Let's be simpletons and call something the universe.

Scientists have traced the universe's history back to it's origin. Well, almost. Sorry fuckers, almost only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and hydro-thermal nuclear weapons. And maybe if you're a lucky motherfucker, it counts in cornhole games too. And this is coming from a godless hillbilly redneck fuckwald.

Since we have a whole lot of observable something now, at some time there must have been an opposite to create it. Let's call this opposite "nothing." Since nothing cannot exist without something to create it, then the Big Bang singularity must have been created by nothing. An infinite amount of time ago. WHAT? You fucking heard me. The most difficult thing for humans to grasp is infinity, but in this case, you have no choice.

Something was always here, because an infinite amount of time ago, nothing created something.

Like it or not, that is the fucking answer.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

For those of you looking for that long lost site

A tiny, forgotten neighborhood known to some of you as the Sex Project will be returning soon. In some capacity. It won't be the full-fledged forum and reference site you remember. It'll be new. It'll be different. It won't be, but it will be. If none of this makes sense to you, then go stab your worthless brain with whatever random object, I don't give a fuck.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Trolling 'victims' are idiots, not victims.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on... everyone?

Check out this story about Richard Bacon, a "trolling victim." And likely a closet homosexual, and an all-around fantastic brainwave flatliner.

Nowhere does it mention that in 2 years of being a "trolling victim" that he attempted to execute the simplest solution to being trolled: IGNORE IT!

Trolls feed on attention. Ignore them for a while, and they will fade away and eventually disappear because they latch on to new victims. Richard Bacon always responded, being the genetic marvel that he is. And now his little bastard son is available for an even wider audience to troll. If son is like father, we trolls can count on a lifetime of trolling fun for everyone. Until he kills himself, anyway.

Getting trolled by One Goh

"It's very, very sad," police Chief Howard Jordan said. "We have seven people who didn't deserve to die and three others wounded because someone who couldn't deal with the pressures of life."

What a fucking cheap shot. Once someone is dead, regardless of what they did in life, they're even with the house. For Jordan to stab at One Goh like this suggests he's compensating for a lack of understanding. He has not the resolve or intelligence to figure out why these things happen, and possibly prevent them in the future. As a police chief, a person in an important position of leadership, this is a horrible mentality.

People like Howard Jordan deserve to be shooting victims. I'm not saying he should die in a shooting... but it wouldn't hurt the world if he suffered a bit. Then he could die.


Sunday, April 1, 2012

Treyvon Martin

The only thing that stood out to me was that Treyvon was unarmed. What, did he lose his gun? Did his bitch hide it in his workboots, or what?

I don't care about his death. Thousands of people die every day, for reasons ranging from natural causes to murder. When the news media sensationalizes stories like Treyvon's, they are trolling all the facebook and twitter drones, and they're profiting greatly from it.


People like me actually enjoy seeing these clowns get all worked up over stupid shit that doesn't matter to them. I enjoy stories like this one even more because I am a racist and I hate all minorities.

Fuck you.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

What's the smallest thing in the universe?

Trick question.

The 'smallest thing in the universe' is an undefinable, imaginary concept. Most sources quote that quarks are the smallest known objects in the universe, and others postulate theories in which smaller objects may exist.

Beyond this, lies the magical zone between the mortal barrier of perceptibility, and the next generation of universe in all its original vastness. Our lives mimic the life cycle of the universe because we are entwined with it.

In a perverse way, it makes sense. And yet, you can never devise any sort of test to prove it. It is a religion all to itself.

Or, does a deity reside within this magical, unseen, postulated area of reality? Some sort of resemblance to an actual earthly religion's description? I don't know.


You can see things smaller and smaller until something in a place you can't see becomes as large as the whole universe. I don't know.

Getting trolled by big corporations

Time is money.

This fact is proven and inarguable.

The coupons you waste time clipping, filing, organizing, saving, and using. You're being trolled, because if you used that time more effectively, you'd save more money.

Go ahead, do the math.

I know you fucking idiots love math because you carry calculators. It also tells me you waste time reading stupid shit that is mostly filled with ads anyway. Paying more for less time is always a bargain. Paying full price in 5 minutes usually beats paying a discounted price for 5 hours of work. If you weren't on welfare, and had to actually spend less than 100% of your time being off work, you might learn that.

Those guarantees on the back of all the stupid, cheap, low-cost items you buy?

They're worse than worthless.

Just because you want to be a stubborn cunt and return a 99 cent bag of chips because YOU believe they were "stale" after you opened them on March 1st and just now got around to eating the rest of them. Guess what, moron? All that time you wasted getting trolled by a stupid fucking trollbait company's worthless guarantee to return some piece of shit item and piss off some poor customer service rep? You're the one losing money.

Those people get paid to put up with your stupid idiotic bullshit.

Again, I urge you to do the math. If you were the one working customer service instead of being trolled by corporations, you'd come out ahead.

Either way, you're a worthless sack of shit who isn't doing me any good. I have no criminal record, but there is nothing and certainly no law preventing me from starting the killings at any time.

This is why terrorism is so successful.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

How to poop without fucking up your life

Everybody poops. Some do it with pain. Some die while pooping. You will want to avoid death by poop like so many others haven't!


1. Lubricate your pooper well. Use petroleum jelly, anti-bacterial zinc ointment, or eczema cream. (May be difficult if turds or leaky farts have already begun turtleheading or prairie-dogging out the back door. If this happens, record a detailed video and call 911 immediately. Tell the operator that a terrorist attack has occurred on your ass.)

2. Whatever you do, don't force the poop out. Sit down on the toilet gently, naturally, and patiently. Let your body and nature take their course. Allowing the bum muscles to do their thing will help avoid any unnecessary tearing, and will allow the poop to slide out doing minimal damage.

3. Clean yourself up immediately after dropping your deposit into the porcelain bank! The longer the feces has to infest your sore butt and give you cancer and AIDS, the harder it will try. Hypoallergenic moist wipies are best, followed by a gentle pat-dry with soft plain tissues or toilet paper.


* If you have open sores on your back door trap, and they don't get better or go away after following this guide, then you may have cancer. Just kidding. The possibility exists, but you must see a doctor or three before you'll get anywhere.

* Don't overdo it! Excessive cleaning measures will make the condition much worse.

* Don't turtlehead a turd for 3 days and then wonder why your southern focus is wrecked beyond belief. Follow the steps above and get this issue taken care of immediately.

* See a doctor. Maybe the last thing in the world you would do, but being sent to the hospital unconscious might force you into a much worse situation.

* Keep your bum clean. Take regular showers, but don't overdo it, and don't scrub the afflicted region too hard. These can make it worse.

* After a shower, and after you've dried off completely, apply petroleum jelly, antibacterial zinc ointment, or eczema cream to the afflicted area before it becomes worse. Prevention is the best strategy. If you are on the mend but not out of the woods, this tip is crucial.

* Consider a humidifier. Cold, dry winter months tend to excacerbate all skin conditions.


If you see blood clots, blood in the poop itself, or if pooping becomes too excruciating to handle by yourself, seek the help of a medical professional. There are many fine nurse practitioners and doctors out there in clinics and hospitals who deal with far worse on a daily basis, and they can help you.

I originally posted this article on WikiHow, but it'll most likely be deleted by an Indian with a penchant for do-gooding and overzealous bullshittery. Amen.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Birds are more advanced than us...

Birds grow their own waterproof clothes, they communicate to each other in languages we are a long way from cracking, they can count, they can use tools, and many of them are highly adaptable to human environments. Oh, and THEY CAN FUCKING FLY.

Why hasn't anyone else noticed this before?

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Jessica Hammond

She should really google nicknames before stealing them.

Being associated with me can't possibly do anyone any good.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Solving common password annoyances

So these days, you have to register an account with every single fucking thing you do online. Understandable, by itself, a mildly annoying side effect of a digital world.

But wait. You must choose a password. It must be between 6 and 14 characters, have 1 letter and 1 number, 1 upper case and 1 lower case letter, must be 24 characters long, must not contain a word, must be changed again in 45 minutes, and no special characters.

What the fuck?

So, unless your IQ is 185, you're going to devise your own insecure means by which to remember these passwords, such as writing them down or saving them into a file. Wow, that's fucking secure as shit! Great programming! Stupid mother fucking idiots...

I'm not going to take full credit for what I'm about to tell you, but I'd be wrong not to share this. You don't need passwords that are impossible to remember. You don't need 1000 rules a password must follow. Which makes it far less secure by eliminating possibilities anyway, fucknards. You don't need a special card with all your life's passwords written on it. What you need is a simple solution.

Great yarn joust chemical.

Say what? That's an example of a password or, more precisely, a passphrase that is very secure and easy to remember. Take 3-5 random words, string them together, and you just created a password that maximizes security with remembrance.

Unfortunately, most sites enforce ridiculous password rules, and prevent registrants from selecting such eloquent passwords.

So, go out there and light a fire under their asses and tell them to wisen the fuck up.

Monday, January 16, 2012

What is God?

I believe God is the voice inside your head. I believe it's not just inside me, but in everyone. Except retards and lesser animals. It's that voice you identify as coming from your own brain, and it directs your actions and engages you in a personal dialogue. You trust that it is you with no alterior motives.